Category Archives: Reflections

£2.2 million Dollar Bed Sold

July 8, 2014 Kristi Leave a comment

Tracey Emin is Britain’s most famous living artist. She recently sold her self-portrait for £2.2 million at an art auction in London. There has been a lot of controversy surrounding this work… “It’s not art!”, “I can make something like that every morning!”, “That’s disgusting!”, are some of the commentaries of this piece. However, I have a different take on her piece, and I can definitely see it as art – she exposes a hidden side of some people.

Art is supposed to evoke emotion, and this is what makes it different from design – design is specifically arranged elements into a pleasing way. Sometimes painters – depending on the genre – can be seen as designers. The first take I have is that studio artists (“traditional artwork”) inadvertently make art as home decor. That is their goal… for someone to buy it and place it in their home. However, anyone who is truly immersed in the world of art understands a secret of the art world. Emin believes that her work is meant to change people’s perceptions of art. This is exactly what the art world is becoming and it always has been.

As an artist myself, I have seen this with the success of my artwork. Emin’s piece is traditional, but stretches the perceptions of that tradition. I remember taking painting classes in college, arranging objects on a table and painting a still life as a self-portrait for a final project. Emin does the same thing…. except, she doesn’t paint it or arrange it and leaves the objects as they are… it’s an In situ – an artwork that was created on site – a term I learned while studying African art. While, the self-portrait isn’t all that interesting or unique and different, considering that it is from Britain’s famous living artist speaks for itself.

Think about the celebrities in the USA (and all over the world for that matter) – we worship the things that they eat, wear, and own – this self-portrait is not much different – except the purchaser gets to OWN the original items belonging to the celebrity – artist. It’s no different from an estate sale auctioning off items belonging to a famous person that has died.

So, before you start criticizing someone’s work because it doesn’t fit your ‘world view’ try and think differently about it. Think of things that you may have experienced that it could relate to and see how it is different from what you are used to… chances are that the things that are different from what you are used to is exactly what the artwork is supposed to accomplish.

Blog, Reflections

The Loss of a Vision

June 7, 2014 Kristi Leave a comment

My time at Minuteman Press has taught me many things about the way I work. I knew some of the things, but its helpful to put it into perspective. If I don’t get along with someone work-wise, more often than not it is them… while on a personal level I cared for my boss and looked to him for guidance… I realized I was looking for a working-relationship that simply wasn’t there.

I was looking for a mentor/apprenticeship experience at Minuteman and for an entry level that is exactly the type of position I should’ve been in… One of the things that my boss said to me during my last review is that I shouldn’t have others keep checking my work, another thing he said was he shouldn’t have to keep holding my hand through the different projects that come through. The hand-holding, work-checking, is all part of the apprenticeship dynamic I was seeking. But no one there was willing to give that to me.

I have spent a great deal trying to learn from this experience in the past two months, and I realized the professors that I worked along WITH I did really well. I saw my professors as a potential client, instead of them paying me with money they paid me with a grade (albeit usually a high one). Since Minuteman is a small company, my boss was someone who wore many, many hats, and while often times I did work WITH him, there were more times when I worked FOR him. Whenever, I worked WITH him we worked well together. However, whenever I worked FOR him… that was a different story…

So, I’m happy to have realized what all this hurt means because I can finally move on from it. Whenever we, as a human race, become disappointed or hurt by something, it is because of the loss of a vision. A vision we once had either of ourselves, or of someone else, or of an experience we had high expectations for… whenever that vision crumbles and falls apart and our vision isn’t met, we feel hurt and/or disappointment. BUT that means, we have a better idea of WHAT we are looking for and in the second go-around we can fine tune and define what we want out of that experience, and if after the first month or so that experience isn’t giving us what we need and are emotionally fulfilled, it’s time to get out.

Blog, Interior Design, Live/Work, Mystical Life, Reflections, Spirituality

Bohemian Studio

May 31, 2014 Kristi Leave a comment

With a move on the horizon (whether back to California or Boston….) I decided I’d take the time to take good photos of my bedroom. I think it beat the bohemian look I strove for in my studio. I love the look of this bedroom. For me, if I’m going to be spending a lot of time in a particular room it’s gotta be comfortable and appealing to the eyes. That’s particularly why I dressed up my cubical at Minuteman… stark white walls, or tables, or anything similar bothers the heck out of me… and I think that’s why I’m a graphic designer because a blank document reminds me of white walls… anyway, Mercury Retrograde is coming and they recommend that during it’s shadow you do some cleaning. So I figured that it was the perfect time to clean my room. After doing a deep meditation the night before, I felt really refreshed and even woke up early today! I’ve been in a bit of a funk all month, so I’m happy to have my energy back.

Now, you won’t BELIEVE how amazing all the pieces of my studio came together in this bedroom/studio. It was as if it was made for it! The walls of the bedroom color were already there, and I think I may have missed the shade of pink for my studio. I think I should’ve gone for the darker shade and not the pastle/pepto-bismol pink. Oh well, I never really worked with pink before, so I got lucky on the second try! If I move to Santa Barbara… I may have to ditch my Bohemian decor as it may not go well with the pastel colors of the beach. 🙂

This is the first view as you walk into the door.

The bookshelves are on the right and the closet is on the left as you face the room from the doorway.

All my photos have been processed.

A more ‘zoomed’ in view, if you will.

The view of the bed. The shelf contains magickal items and candles and artwork inspired by the ancient world.

The view as if you are lying on the bed.

I decided to take this one without the flash.

So that’s why it’s a bit blurrier and darker.

If you got up from the bed and went directly to the desk this is what you’d see.

Elephants and music… and electronics, unfinished design projects and tarot scatter the desk. ^_^

Close up of the mouse area. I often do impromptu tarot readings with my friends online and like to keep a deck near by.

This is my latest deck that I got while in Santa Barbara. Goes perfectly with the decor. 🙂

I bought the mouse pad to go with my table cloth that I dressed up my cubical with but my boss didn’t like the way the mouse moved on the hard material…. so he made me switch back.

But I still love it and it works fine with a wireless mouse.

If you’re sitting at the computer typing up a blog or finishing a long overdue design project, to your right sits my altar table.

Working my spirituality helps with creative blocks and keeping my mind focused; it helps me to stay balanced and centered. I’m an elementalist and work primarily with spiritual light – so that includes ‘white’ and ‘black’ light. The checkered table cloth represents the ‘matrix’ of this ‘white’ and ‘black’ light that I see/work with. The white & black taper candles represents “above” and the large white & black pillar candles represents “below” – as in the “As above and so below” mantra.

Above pictured: is my mini-cauldron for working with the fire element. Whenever I need to release energy, or if I need to call to action I work with fire.
Meh, just noticed the mess on the altar. Sorry about that, been working with it lately, anyway I think a messy altar is more interesting. 🙂

Peering from the side of the fire element you see the center of the altar… the rainbow structure at the other end of the picture is a pyramid box to cleanse my crystals and other small items.

Above the altar are my purple curtains from college and a stained glass piece that my former harp teacher gave me.

It goes perfectly with the decor!

If you look left while sitting at the computer, a shallow dish contains crystals to help with the surrounding energy.

The statue behind it is of ksitigarbha – a Buddhist figure that destroys negative and harmful thoughts (like worrying!) .

In front of him, is a piece of selenite which is also a worrying stone for me.

In the way back is my photo of shaking Joe Kennedy’s hand at the Capitol Hill reception last September.

To the right of the crystal garden, my photo lens pencil holder, and my coffee mug from this morning.

To the left of the crystal garden you see my piano keyboard.

Well There you have it! That’s the tour of my bedroom. I hope this has given you some inspiration for your bedroom and/or studio.

Blog, Excursions, Mystical Life, Reflections, Travel, ◆◆◆

It’s Not Everyday You Meet a Soothsayer

May 19, 2014 Kristi Leave a comment

Saturday evening I came home from my whirlwind trip to Santa Barbara, CA for an interview at Letter Perfect & Paper Ink. The interview went really well and there was a lot of positive things from it. SO, I feel pretty good about it. The interviewer had me do a 15 min test – design a business card under 15 mins and she like the overall design as well as everything else I presented to her.

The morning of my departure (I left in the evening), I had taken out scrapbook paper that had a handmade feel to it and printed my resume on it. I went the extra mile and printed on nice stationery since it is a stationery company. For the Minuteman Press position I had made my resume into an 8.5 x 5.5 booklet.

The evening after I received the invite, I learned my friend Gwen that I visited last September was going to be in the same proximity as I was in Santa Barbara. She was camping and was staying at the top of the hill where I was staying at the bottom. Thursday was SO hot that I slept late and got breakfast at Beachbreak Cafe and just walked the beach a little bit and then went home. Too hot to do anything really that day. The day of the interview was gorgeous and it was a lot easier to do things.

I met up with my friend Gwen at Sambo’s after the interview for mimosa’s to celebrate. We were comparing tarot notes as she is a reader too and at the end of the lunch the lady behind me turned around and asked if we could read her. We decided at 7 pm that evening that we’d meet and give her a reading. Afterwords, Gwen and I went deck shopping and I picked up Tarot of the Old Path as it was one of two decks that spoke to me for this particular reading. I don’t always buy a new deck for a new client, but Gwen wanted to go deck shopping anyway so I figured why not. It ended up being a 2 hr reading and walked away with $200 that Gwen and I split. I never had done a duo reading (two readers for one client). But it worked really well! Gwen knows a lot more about the systems than I do, and I just used my ability and experience with the cards and the knowledge that comes through. I’m not sure how much our client got out of the reading as she had been drinking and since alcohol shuts off my ability we couldn’t drink with her during the reading. Though I had a glass of wine or two afterwords and left for home. The whole trip was so synchronistic it made me wonder about the mojo bag I had blessed before I left on Tuesday evening for Wellesley.

A few weeks ago I performed a spell for the intention of finding employment before May 12th (the date that I was invited to the interview). For me, spells bend the light that is around you (as science has proposed that matter can be created from light) and help you attract the light that works best for you. That is my definition of spells and magick. As such, working with shapes and colors really work with this theory of magick because nature communicates through symbolism and archetypes. Anyway, in the mojo bag from the herb blend I had created previously for the spell I put:

– Alfalfa Leaf; money, prosperity- Benzoin: purification, soothing, dispelling anger
– Bergmot: money, prosperity, protection from evil & illness
– Meadowsweat: Increases chance of getting a job
– Pine Bark: clean breaks, new beginnings, prosperity, success, strength

And for crystals I had used the specimens that were in my crystal garden at Minuteman and then cleansed in my pyramid under the full moon…

– Citrine : Merchants Stone, Money energies, increase self-esteem, protect from negative energy from someone else’s abuse, open the mind to new thoughts, promote clarity of thought, attracting wealth and prosperity, promoting generosity, sharing good fortune, assists in fast money ventures, strengthens inner light and creativity, etc.
– Malachite : protection, absorbing negative energies, clear electromagnetic pollution and heals earth energies, a stone of travel and overcoming fears of flying, helps with jetlag and encourages smooth business travel, a stone for support for airplane and airline workers
– Tiger Eye : enhance our own personal power, release blocked creativity, and to bring good luck, prosperity, wealth and success.
– Quartz : harmony, balance, healing, releasing negative energy
– Carnelian : increase ambition, drive and confidence, protection from negative emotions, warmth, sociability, creativity and happiness, restore self-esteem, abundance

I definitely think the herbs + crystals worked their magick this trip. Especially powerful during the full moon which I believe was in scorpio which was all about death/rebirth and new beginnings.

Blog, Reflections

Relationships

May 18, 2014 Kristi Leave a comment

May. Wedding season… and I have had a few more friends become hitched this month than ever and a few more who are engaged. I have a friend who is getting married today and while I am over the moon for her, I can’t help but feel a little hurt that I wasn’t invited. We had the same mutual friends in college and while I didn’t constantly skype or talk online with her I still considered her a friend. But I guess things are different now… I get that weddings are expensive and they probably couldn’t afford more than what they did invite. But it still stings because I see all of our mutual friends attending the wedding and updating their facebooks and seeing them together… and I’m just still sitting here…

All these marriages around me have made me question about my relationship history. All of my potentials ended before they began leaving me heartbroken… or they are spiritual relationships that while love was felt was never meat to be physical. My heart has been broken, and re-broken many times before and it just makes me question who would take a chance on a bruised and beaten heart?

Then, I see my brothers’ relationship and how well he’s treating his girlfriend.

I am just at the point in my life where I am done feeling alone. There’s nothing that I want more than a companion who would be there for me and me for them.. someone who I could share my life with, take on my adventures, be at peace with and enjoy life with. I love my friends and support but I just need something a little more, a close bond…

Blog, Mystical Life, Reflections

Conversations with my Heart

May 7, 2014 Kristi Leave a comment

I meditated for the first time in awhile. My brain desperately needed it.

I listened to the Beauty Everywhere by Marina Raye and it took me to a fantastic place.

I drifted away into the drones of the flute and the sounds of the incoming tide. And I just let the music let me ride the waves of my emotions.

It took me to what my heart was feeling, I was able to see my emotions and feelings as vividly as a movie on the big screen. I relaxed.

I was able to live in my meditation and discover what my heart truly wants. Closeness.

It allowed me to see how close I was to you despite you not being near me or in my life at the moment. It allowed me to see possibilities of my relationship to you. But I felt something else.

Fear.

Because of the circumstances and of how we met the type of relationship we both want is difficult to initiate.

I am not surprised that we feel this. As this happened once before with you.

I have learned my lesson from that relationship which is why I let you know that it was OK to contact me after this experience.

I saw what our hearts really wanted. And it made me so pleased to see that we both want the same thing.

Fear from me because the thought of a meaningful relationship makes me sick to my stomach sometimes.

Because of what I’ve been through previously with you. I’m over the desire. I’m over the longing.

Fear from you because of your position of power and authority. But did you know?

This type of relationship may exactly be what you need to grow and become the person you want to be.

And I’ll be more than happy to help guide you, just trust me.

Blog, Reflections

Letter to Me (Brad Paisley)

April 25, 2014 Kristi Leave a comment

One of my favorite country singers, Brad Paisley, has a song (Letter to Me) about wanting to write a letter to his 17 year old self. The song is ballad of what he wish he’d known at that age versus the age he is when the song was written. It gave me a prompt to write a blog post about what I’d write to my younger self.

In my teenage years, I had a strong desire to be in a relationship. Like many, I wanted to prove to the world that I was loveable, that someone enjoyed my company, that I was loved for who I was. The men I’d attract often had the same mentality, which didn’t really include my best interests and I often felt like I was taken advantage of. I wish I had told my teenage self that – you will fall in love, but, it would also cause you the most excruciating pain you’d ever experience and it wouldn’t get you very far romantically.

In my teenage years, I had self-esteem problems, worried constantly about whether or not people liked me for my personality. I lacked the confidence that I have now and wished that I had while in high school. While, I still live my life in a lot of solitude, I feel supported by my friends, appreciators and those on-lookers and my fellow collaborators. I wish I could tell my teenage self that I CAN be like those you looked up to in high school, that you can feel supported, appreciated and liked by many.

In my teenage years, I’d worry about whether or not if I was good enough for my field. Whether or not if I’d succeed in what I was trying to do. I spent most of my free time teaching myself graphic and web design so I’d get a head start on my career so when I got to college and finished college, I’d have a dynamite portfolio. I wished I could tell my teenage self that portfolios aren’t the main aspect of a job application, that sometimes a personality helps too (thankfully college took care of that).

In my teenage years, I didn’t have a clue as to who I was, and felt strange following passions or interests that weren’t sociably acceptable… um occult studies anyone? I felt strange pulls towards certain subjects that I wanted to read and study more of. But they were strange for a teenager to be reading about. I wished I could tell my teenage self that embracing the artist personality will help mask those interests as ‘inspirations’. That it is OK to follow what makes your heart sing. That it is OK to be inspired by weird things. It’s just who you are and what makes you unique!

There you have it, those are my wishes that I could’ve told my teenage self.

Blog, Reflections

New and Old Fears

April 21, 2014 Kristi Leave a comment

So it’s been a week since I was asked to leave Minuteman. I am doing better than I expected and I think it’s because I’m focusing my energy on the present but also I have been getting a lot of support from my friends and family, so I’m really grateful for that. But I have been feeling a sense of abandonment and it’s really not the best feeling in the world.

This past weekend I finished up my Cambridge Science Festival activities and this coming weekend I’ll be spending time down in Eastham to attend the Appearances ’14 activities. The opening for this festival was last Friday when I came down to Wellesley so unfortunately I couldn’t attend. The Appearances festival has a cool Nature Divination and Art + Meditation events that I am thinking of going to.

In terms of goals right now… ideally I want to stay in Longmeadow, MA. Because there I have space for a darkroom and if I move back to Wellesley, I won’t have space for anything and I’ll be back to where I was summer of 2013. Except, I wouldn’t be grieving from heartbreak, so I suppose it’ll be easier to deal with and I won’t be dealing with the same fears and anxiety. But eventually, the long-term goal is to move out to California. I haven’t stopped thinking about it since my trip last September.

One of the major issues at Minuteman was that my boss couldn’t understand or bothered to care enough that I had a mental condition that prevented me from seeing certain things upon completion of a project, which he saw as mistakes. One of the things that he said to me that has rubbed me the wrong way was I couldn’t find a process that works for me, it’s not that easy!

Throughout my life the specialists that I have seen all told me to take time when doing certain things. The issues that occurred at Minuteman were issues that weren’t issues in school… because the design process we were taught it was OK to send multiple revisions to the customer. So we never had ‘mistakes’ because they were always caught in the revision process.

We were also taught in school that reporting to someone to look over your work was OK. Well, that didn’t really vibe well at Minuteman. The project had to be done, and done right before it was seen by our bindery person, my boss or the other designer I worked with because they simply didn’t have time to go over everything. OK I get that. But if you have no quality control in the first place, how do you expect ANYONE to do ANYTHING right the first time around?

Last Summer I was in a slump because I was afraid I’d never find a job in my field and I did find a job. I had all the talent, but in my field talent only goes so far, and my experience didn’t line up exactly with my level of talent. I had the design skill of someone with 3-5 years of experience but the experience level of an entry-level designer.

My new fears are finding a job that is suitable enough for my talent level. I do not want to stay in a position where I’ll only be using my design skills minimally. As I felt over and over again at Minuteman I felt the experience was killing my talent level. It was suffocating my desire to design and be creative and ultimately suffocating me! My mother made a good point when I told my parents over the phone on the last day at my job at Minuteman… she said, Just think of the number of days you came home and had a bad day! Too damn many.

Articles, Blog, Business, Reflections

Business Lessons from Working in a Press Shop

April 16, 2014 Kristi Leave a comment

1) The customer doesn’t care how the job is done.

In a fast-paced environment the customer is the boss. In a performance review, my boss told me that while I work for him he works for the customers as the owner of the shop. If the job isn’t done right, the customer will go elsewhere.

Which means that all rules they taught you in school get thrown out the window. Sometimes if the customer is well respected, you do everything it takes to get it done right. Because if you do they’ll return.

2) Quality over Quantity.

It’s better to have returning customers ordering in larger quantities than many one-time customers just ordering smaller quantities.

3) Quotes Done Right

If a customer requests a quote, this is a good sign. Make sure you gather all the information necessary and include all steps of the process in the quote from the beginning to the end. Make sure you ask if the job is a rush job because additional charges may apply and it will guarantee customer approval if the customer and the shop both understand the deadline and it is reversed, make sure the customer understand that problems do occur and you’ll do your best to get the job done. Request a deadline even if the customer doesn’t have an opinion on one.

4) Follow-Up

Don’t be afraid to follow-up. Sure, you may come off as a pushy sales-person but if you don’t, you may never get the project moving forward and then the money won’t come through. If the customer has trouble committing to the project perhaps ask what their budget is. You may know of options to make the project fit their budget – take shortcuts if you need to.

5) Time is Money.

The Press shop I worked at allowed 2 weeks for the maximum amount of time for projects to be completed. Most customers wanted their business cards yesterday. Which goes back to the first point of this post; customers don’t care how the job is done. If you have to cut corners to get the job done that is OK. If an employee at the shop screws up the job, the shop will need to find time to redo it.

6) Prioritize + Workflow

Look for specific pieces of information on the work ticket. It helps to get certain projects done. At the end of a busy day I looked at my document count from Indesign and had 20 documents created throughout the day. Yes, you’ll be doing many and multiple projects at once. Some people can handle this environment some people can’t. And your plan for the day will be interrupted by your boss, other employees and customers. If your workflow becomes interrupted make a mental note of where you left off so when you return you can get right on track. Have a plan for the day. See what deadline are closest to you, what projects are just given to you, and other projects that may be more important. Write them down – I kept a sketch book of work lists and plans for the day and week. It helped me visualize what needed to be done and I can be sure to mark something off and then move onto the next project.

7) Mistakes + Typos will be the death of you

May not necessarily apply to other businesses, but if you work in a press shop, mistakes and typos will be the death of you. It really hurt my position as I wasn’t as quick of a thinker as my boss wanted me to be… but if your shop makes a typo in a name, or piece of information than honor the mistake. Sometimes a discount is offered, most often a complete redo is needed.

8) Be polite

If you make a mistake, apologize and tell them that it’ll be resolved as soon as possible. Say your pleases and thank yous. Do not demand information, request items or information. Don’t be afraid of your personality – sometimes customers are sold on your product based on how well you handle their demands. One time working at the Tremont Tearoom, I had to deal with a Groupon fiasco and a friend within the group that came chose me because of my patience and sweetness in dealing with the situation. Stay grounded while dealing with difficult customers. Make note of exactly what went wrong and get help when you need it.

9) Don’t get Emotionally Involved

This is one of the hardest lessons to learn and I’m still learning it. It’s especially hard to learn if you are putting your whole heart into your work. Labor of Love isn’t the only thing you should be careful of, anger as well needs to be controlled. If you are getting angry over simple errors or problems in the shop, perhaps it’s time to sit back and look at the bigger picture and see why you are getting angry in the first place. People react differently to anger, a lot of people get anxiety from anger. Maybe hire more people so there will be less work on yourself and the other employees which will result in less mistakes… or if you are putting you’re whole heart into what you’re doing perhaps find another outlet you love to do. Anger directed at the wrong person can result in a law suit. Love expressed in the workplace can get you in trouble as well.

10) Know your Boundaries

Be careful who you trust. Be verbal about your boundaries; in the very beginning I told my boss it was OK to call me if extra help is needed but do so in a respectful manner. If you are going through a difficult time perhaps a letter to your boss is necessary. In my case, I did this and I was OK letting him know, but because his wife worked with him he had to show her as well which I was not comfortable with. In the end it created a triangle between me and him and him and her and I think affected the outcome of my position as well. In the end he really appreciated me letting him know, but it created issues in the future. Since jobs change all the time, try to demonstrate some privacy on your part as well. These people are your co-workers, not friends or family even though they may act like it.

Blog, Mystical Life, Quotes, Reflections, Spirituality

Accidents

April 15, 2014 Kristi Leave a comment

Articles, Blog, Mystical Life, Reflections, Spirituality

Spiritual Relationships

April 15, 2014 Kristi Leave a comment

What is a Spiritual Relationship? A spiritual relationship is one where you feel a deep, strong emotional bond to another but there may be distinct physical barriers (age, marriage, another partner, status, position of power, etc) and the emotional relationship exists to teach the other a lesson – whatever that may be.

These relationships are often deep and tend to happen when the other person involved is attached. They are meant to cause a transformation which may be disguised as Love. But it it isn’t love – it has never been about love – although the person in question may feel it. Transformations are about internal changes that shake your world. Transformations cause a paradigm shift in the other – opening their world view and expanding it. And once the person is done transforming – they toss you out – and depending on their personality it could end it heartbreak or if you’re lucky just sadness. Most people cannot handle these deep relationships as it impacts their other partner and it leaves them confused and afraid.

These relationships have plagued my entire life. I am thankful for them as they have made me stronger and have finally come to terms with them. Now, with the next one, I may even fear it – as the loss of the relationship causes me a lot of pain. For awhile, it was something I yearned for in a romantic relationship – to have someone you love and have it returned, but at the same time have a deep spiritual connection – what more could you want from that?! But in my experience these spiritual relationships the other is never available in a romantic sense. And these relationships do not last – usually 6 months tops if it lasts beyond 2 years, than that’s something – but usually means it’s riddled with lessons.

This last spiritual relationship was between me and my boss. Now, I will probably never know what he’ll truly think of his experience with working with me or what he felt – but this past relationship has taught me what second chances felt like. Second chances as a lesson within a spiritual relationship? As I’m sure you can imagine, it was a pretty powerful experience. But being the person with all the power – who had his own issues – it was a relationship where I began to feel powerless. No matter what I could do or say, it wouldn’t fix the situation and I think I know why. He wasn’t learning his lessons within the spiritual relationship that I was teaching him; valuing relationships over money, understanding others who have disadvantages, among other things. Some people cannot handle the deepness of the relationship and often struggle to break it off. A spiritual relationship is a mirror – the other a mirror of oneself – since it is a spiritual lesson, energy is exchanged – it’s a two-way operation. Yes, he wasn’t learning his lessons because I couldn’t seem to change – so I am at fault too, of course. But lesson learning requires both partners to have the courage to develop the relationship and that’s where it failed. One person usually backs out, out of fear because most people are afraid of change and transformation.

Art, Blog, Reflections

A chapter has ended

April 11, 2014 Kristi Leave a comment

I am no longer going to be working at Minuteman Press New England.

A decision made by my boss because he couldn’t keep up with my mistakes – mistakes in the sense that when he saw the final product it was wrong. It was also a decision prompted by a series of events that I did not intend to have it perceived the way it did.

I am a little startled that it has ended the way it has and did not expect it to end so ‘soon’. I guess I was lucky that I even lasted this long and I don’t blame my boss because I see his perspective. But if you say you don’t care that I have mental issues that I can’t seem to change and that you can’t seem to learn and understand what I struggle with, then it wasn’t the right fit to begin with.

I should’ve known that when I started to heal and feel strong I knew I wouldn’t be working there much longer. I feel like the sole reason for me being there is to heal me because my working relationship with my boss certainly has helped me do so in a strange sort of way. I no longer feel confusion, no longer wish for second chances, no longer wonder about that relationship because I have fully moved on and healed. He has taught me what second chances felt like, because I haven’t had many in my life. I fully understand what it means and what it feels when being given a second chance and that I think is the biggest lesson I can take away from this chapter in my life.

The only thing I am suffering from all of this is the loss of closeness that I once felt. The closeness was something that kept me going because he was the only person I felt close to in my life at the time and the first person I felt closeness with since my heartbreak. But even then, as months wore on it started to pull at me because of the way I was being treated and the up-and-down of the working relationship. It caused me a different kind of confusion and I seriously did not like the way felt – it left me confused and defeated. One day we’d be working together fine, and then the next day he’d be screaming at me for doing something I did wrong. And yesterday all day I felt dread, a separation – like I never was really a part of the team. Seen as if I was a fly on the wall… and that hurt the most. Also to put all the time and energy and heart into something and to have it probably never noticed also hurts.

So now I’m at cross roads. I’ve been searching for another job so I can stay in this area, but I’ll have to think about the next chapter in my life and moving on from this. I will miss the Minuteman Press crew as they are a lovely bunch of people. But I won’t miss the emotional turmoil it has caused me over the past 6 months. I loved the work and the people I worked with, but the up-and-down is something I cannot handle. At this point in my life I am looking for some type of stability.