I partnered with my friend and fellow psychic Gwen and we’re putting our knowledge together in a workshop dedicated to Numerology and Karmic Cycles. It is $10 per person through paypal.
Please sign up below:
Category Archives: Mystical Life
Bohemian Studio
With a move on the horizon (whether back to California or Boston….) I decided I’d take the time to take good 
photos of my bedroom. I think it beat the bohemian look I strove for in my studio. I love the look of this bedroom. For me, if I’m going to be spending a lot of time in a particular room it’s gotta be comfortable and appealing to the eyes. That’s particularly why I dressed up my cubical at Minuteman… stark white walls, or tables, or anything similar bothers the heck out of me… and I think that’s why I’m a graphic designer because a blank document reminds me of white walls… anyway, Mercury Retrograde is coming and they recommend that during it’s shadow you do some cleaning. So I figured that it was the perfect time to clean my room. After doing a deep meditation the night before, I felt really refreshed and even woke up early today! I’ve been in a bit of a funk all month, so I’m happy to have my energy back.
Now, you won’t BELIEVE how amazing all the pieces of my studio came together in this bedroom/studio. It was as if it was made for it! The walls of the bedroom color were already there, and I think I may have missed the shade of pink for my studio. I think I should’ve gone for the darker shade and not the pastle/pepto-bismol pink. Oh well, I never really worked with pink before, so I got lucky on the second try! If I move to Santa Barbara… I may have to ditch my Bohemian decor as it may not go well with the pastel colors of the beach. 🙂
This is the first view as you walk into the door.
The bookshelves are on the right and the closet is on the left as you face the room from the doorway.
All my photos have been processed.
A more ‘zoomed’ in view, if you will.
The view of the bed. The shelf contains magickal items and candles and artwork inspired by the ancient world.
The view as if you are lying on the bed.
I decided to take this one without the flash.
So that’s why it’s a bit blurrier and darker.
If you got up from the bed and went directly to the desk this is what you’d see.
Elephants and music… and electronics, unfinished design projects and tarot scatter the desk. ^_^
Close up of the mouse area. I often do impromptu tarot readings with my friends online and like to keep a deck near by.
This is my latest deck that I got while in Santa Barbara. Goes perfectly with the decor. 🙂
I bought the mouse pad to go with my table cloth that I dressed up my cubical with but my boss didn’t like the way the mouse moved on the hard material…. so he made me switch back.
But I still love it and it works fine with a wireless mouse.
If you’re sitting at the computer typing up a blog or finishing a long overdue design project, to your right sits my altar table.
Working my spirituality helps with creative blocks and keeping my mind focused; it helps me to stay balanced and centered. I’m an elementalist and work primarily with spiritual light – so that includes ‘white’ and ‘black’ light. The checkered table cloth represents the ‘matrix’ of this ‘white’ and ‘black’ light that I see/work with. The white & black taper candles represents “above” and the large white & black pillar candles represents “below” – as in the “As above and so below” mantra.
Above pictured: is my mini-cauldron for working with the fire element. Whenever I need to release energy, or if I need to call to action I work with fire.
Meh, just noticed the mess on the altar. Sorry about that, been working with it lately, anyway I think a messy altar is more interesting. 🙂
Peering from the side of the fire element you see the center of the altar… the rainbow structure at the other end of the picture is a pyramid box to cleanse my crystals and other small items.
Above the altar are my purple curtains from college and a stained glass piece that my former harp teacher gave me.
It goes perfectly with the decor!
If you look left while sitting at the computer, a shallow dish contains crystals to help with the surrounding energy.
The statue behind it is of ksitigarbha – a Buddhist figure that destroys negative and harmful thoughts (like worrying!) .
In front of him, is a piece of selenite which is also a worrying stone for me.
In the way back is my photo of shaking Joe Kennedy’s hand at the Capitol Hill reception last September.
To the right of the crystal garden, my photo lens pencil holder, and my coffee mug from this morning.
To the left of the crystal garden you see my piano keyboard.
Well There you have it! That’s the tour of my bedroom. I hope this has given you some inspiration for your bedroom and/or studio.
It’s Not Everyday You Meet a Soothsayer
Saturday evening I came home from my whirlwind trip to Santa Barbara, CA for an interview at Letter Perfect & Paper Ink. The interview went really well and there was a lot of positive things from it. SO, I feel pretty good about it. The interviewer had me do a 15 min test – design a business card under 15 mins and she like the overall design as well as everything else I presented to her.
The morning of my departure (I left in the evening), I had taken out scrapbook paper that had a handmade feel to it and printed my resume on it. I went the extra mile and printed on nice stationery since it is a stationery company. For the Minuteman Press position I had made my resume into an 8.5 x 5.5 booklet.
The evening after I received the invite, I learned my friend Gwen that I visited last September was going to be in the same proximity as I was in Santa Barbara. She was camping and was staying at the top of the hill where I was staying at the bottom. Thursday was SO hot that I slept late and got breakfast at Beachbreak Cafe and just walked the beach a little bit and then went home. Too hot to do anything really that day. The day of the interview was gorgeous and it was a lot easier to do things.
I met up with my friend Gwen at Sambo’s after the interview for mimosa’s to celebrate. We were comparing tarot notes as she is a reader too and at the end of the lunch the lady behind me turned around and asked if we could read her. We decided at 7 pm that evening that we’d meet and give her a reading. Afterwords, Gwen and I went deck shopping and I picked up Tarot of the Old Path as it was one of two decks that spoke to me for this particular reading. I don’t always buy a new deck for a new client, but Gwen wanted to go deck shopping anyway so I figured why not. It ended up being a 2 hr reading and walked away with $200 that Gwen and I split. I never had done a duo reading (two readers for one client). But it worked really well! Gwen knows a lot more about the systems than I do, and I just used my ability and experience with the cards and the knowledge that comes through. I’m not sure how much our client got out of the reading as she had been drinking and since alcohol shuts off my ability we couldn’t drink with her during the reading. Though I had a glass of wine or two afterwords and left for home. The whole trip was so synchronistic it made me wonder about the mojo bag I had blessed before I left on Tuesday evening for Wellesley.
A few weeks ago I performed a spell for the intention of finding employment before May 12th (the date that I was invited to the interview). For me, spells bend the light that is around you (as science has proposed that matter can be created from light) and help you attract the light that works best for you. That is my definition of spells and magick. As such, working with shapes and colors really work with this theory of magick because nature communicates through symbolism and archetypes. Anyway, in the mojo bag from the herb blend I had created previously for the spell I put:
– Alfalfa Leaf; money, prosperity- Benzoin: purification, soothing, dispelling anger
– Bergmot: money, prosperity, protection from evil & illness
– Meadowsweat: Increases chance of getting a job
– Pine Bark: clean breaks, new beginnings, prosperity, success, strength
And for crystals I had used the specimens that were in my crystal garden at Minuteman and then cleansed in my pyramid under the full moon…
– Citrine : Merchants Stone, Money energies, increase self-esteem, protect from negative energy from someone else’s abuse, open the mind to new thoughts, promote clarity of thought, attracting wealth and prosperity, promoting generosity, sharing good fortune, assists in fast money ventures, strengthens inner light and creativity, etc.
– Malachite : protection, absorbing negative energies, clear electromagnetic pollution and heals earth energies, a stone of travel and overcoming fears of flying, helps with jetlag and encourages smooth business travel, a stone for support for airplane and airline workers
– Tiger Eye : enhance our own personal power, release blocked creativity, and to bring good luck, prosperity, wealth and success.
– Quartz : harmony, balance, healing, releasing negative energy
– Carnelian : increase ambition, drive and confidence, protection from negative emotions, warmth, sociability, creativity and happiness, restore self-esteem, abundance
I definitely think the herbs + crystals worked their magick this trip. Especially powerful during the full moon which I believe was in scorpio which was all about death/rebirth and new beginnings.
Conversations with my Heart
I meditated for the first time in awhile. My brain desperately needed it.
I listened to the Beauty Everywhere by Marina Raye and it took me to a fantastic place.
I drifted away into the drones of the flute and the sounds of the incoming tide. And I just let the music let me ride the waves of my emotions.
It took me to what my heart was feeling, I was able to see my emotions and feelings as vividly as a movie on the big screen. I relaxed.
I was able to live in my meditation and discover what my heart truly wants. Closeness.
It allowed me to see how close I was to you despite you not being near me or in my life at the moment. It allowed me to see possibilities of my relationship to you. But I felt something else.
Fear.
Because of the circumstances and of how we met the type of relationship we both want is difficult to initiate.
I am not surprised that we feel this. As this happened once before with you.
I have learned my lesson from that relationship which is why I let you know that it was OK to contact me after this experience.
I saw what our hearts really wanted. And it made me so pleased to see that we both want the same thing.
Fear from me because the thought of a meaningful relationship makes me sick to my stomach sometimes.
Because of what I’ve been through previously with you. I’m over the desire. I’m over the longing.
Fear from you because of your position of power and authority. But did you know?
This type of relationship may exactly be what you need to grow and become the person you want to be.
And I’ll be more than happy to help guide you, just trust me.
Accidents
Spiritual Relationships
What is a Spiritual Relationship? A spiritual relationship is one where you feel a deep, strong emotional bond to another but there may be distinct physical barriers (age, marriage, another partner, status, position of power, etc) and the emotional relationship exists to teach the other a lesson – whatever that may be.
These relationships are often deep and tend to happen when the other person involved is attached. They are meant to cause a transformation which may be disguised as Love. But it it isn’t love – it has never been about love – although the person in question may feel it. Transformations are about internal changes that shake your world. Transformations cause a paradigm shift in the other – opening their world view and expanding it. And once the person is done transforming – they toss you out – and depending on their personality it could end it heartbreak or if you’re lucky just sadness. Most people cannot handle these deep relationships as it impacts their other partner and it leaves them confused and afraid.
These relationships have plagued my entire life. I am thankful for them as they have made me stronger and have finally come to terms with them. Now, with the next one, I may even fear it – as the loss of the relationship causes me a lot of pain. For awhile, it was something I yearned for in a romantic relationship – to have someone you love and have it returned, but at the same time have a deep spiritual connection – what more could you want from that?! But in my experience these spiritual relationships the other is never available in a romantic sense. And these relationships do not last – usually 6 months tops if it lasts beyond 2 years, than that’s something – but usually means it’s riddled with lessons.
This last spiritual relationship was between me and my boss. Now, I will probably never know what he’ll truly think of his experience with working with me or what he felt – but this past relationship has taught me what second chances felt like. Second chances as a lesson within a spiritual relationship? As I’m sure you can imagine, it was a pretty powerful experience. But being the person with all the power – who had his own issues – it was a relationship where I began to feel powerless. No matter what I could do or say, it wouldn’t fix the situation and I think I know why. He wasn’t learning his lessons within the spiritual relationship that I was teaching him; valuing relationships over money, understanding others who have disadvantages, among other things. Some people cannot handle the deepness of the relationship and often struggle to break it off. A spiritual relationship is a mirror – the other a mirror of oneself – since it is a spiritual lesson, energy is exchanged – it’s a two-way operation. Yes, he wasn’t learning his lessons because I couldn’t seem to change – so I am at fault too, of course. But lesson learning requires both partners to have the courage to develop the relationship and that’s where it failed. One person usually backs out, out of fear because most people are afraid of change and transformation.
Melatonin Update
I was talking to my co-designer at work about my first night with melatonin and my boss already began noticing a difference the following day. And this was without my thyroid medication – imagine what it would be like WITH my thyroid medication + my salt lamp!
I was also thinking about my sensitivity to light and my psychic ability. The psychic ability is said to be activated through the third-eye which is known as the pineal gland in the brain in the body. When you’re psychic the pineal gland is always active, it is ‘always’ on as in some traditions it’s believed to be the ‘seat of the soul’ and other things associated with it. Since it produces electrical activity when active, I have personally felt it vibrate – especially when I’m about to go to sleep. In normal people, the eye is shut at night as it produces the melatonin that helps make you sleep. I think since my pineal gland is always active it never really has a chance to keep up with producing the melatonin that I need in order to sleep. When in darkness, the eye is shut and produces melatonin – when in the daylight, the eye is awake and the melatonin tapers off. Light activates the pineal gland.
How I found out about the Melatonin Deficiency in the first place is through the full moon. The full moon is illuminated by the Sun which produces a huge amount of Negative Ions. At night, these ions pass through our atmosphere and become polarized which creates Positive Ions. As stated in an article I found, “Hormonal reactions to increased positive ions in the air (Full Moon Effect) cause hyperactivity, depression, violent behavior, road rage, higher occurrences of migraines and asthma.”. This increase of positive ions initiates serotonin to be produced.
The article quotes a leading Israeli Doctor that says, “serotonin is not found in the urine of “normal” people except when they are under considerable emotional stress or anxiety.” Considering the huge amount of emotional distress I have been in for the past year and a half or so I am NOT surprised to read this. The article further states, “In the 25% of the general population during higher positive ion ratios, short term increase in productivity occurs (attributed to hyperactive adrenaline production). After extended exposure or duration to positive ions, this increase in productivity quickly turns into poor performance (attributed to a weakened or exhausted adrenaline gland).” Earlier the same article states, “Bank employees went from an error rate of 2.5% before negative ion generators were installed, to an error rate of 0.5% while working in negative ion enriched air.” Well then, it’s not a surprise that I am making mistakes. But not being able to recover from my mistakes quickly enough makes sense as well.
BUT there’s another side of this.
An article from the Chicago Tribune wrote about how the blue light associated to the monitors keep regular citizens from producing melatonin, “Because blue light is especially prominent in daylight, our bodies associate it with daytime, which may be why exposure to blue light can make us more alert and improve our response times. It also has been shown to suppress melatonin, a hormone that helps regulate sleep and is not produced during the day.” So I guess, it’s really no surprise that since I stare at a monitor all day pretty much 24/7 that I am experiencing a melatonin deficiency.
And the positive ion thing is interesting too, because that triggers serotonin the hormone that supposedly that helps you regulate certain parts of your brain. High levels of serotonin initiates things such as, “Appetite cycles, sleep cycles, cognition (memory, learning, etc), mood, body temperature, endocrine regulation, age regulation, etc.” Most of which I have been struggling with.
In conclusion, because the light from the full moon generates positive ions which triggers the production of serotonin and the emotional stress and anxiety I have been dealing with for the past year and a half or so causes high levels of serotonin to be in my system affects certain parts of my brain that is regulated through secretion of melatonin which is suppressed by long amounts of exposure to blue light through the use of a screen, psychic ability or other sources causes me to have poor performance and to loose the cognition ability to recover from it.
Full Moon Effect
Full moon effect! I have this. My co-workers (even my boss!) have noticed a pattern in my behavior at work. I was talking to the other designer and jokingly said that the full moon effects me. I become super psychic and creative during the week of the full moon (and a little bit after) and while there are mystical and spiritual folklore surrounding this, I needed facts! The downside of all this is that I don’t sleep very well which affects my behavior at work as well but that’s a different story.
I was trying to do some research on the effect because I want to tell my boss somehow that I have this and it’s seriously a thing for me but I know he won’t take it very seriously. I just don’t know how to tell someone who has a position of power over me that the full moon effects my behavior at work… thankfully the other designer believes in it.
WELL, I found a very interesting article on positive and negative ions and it’s correlation to the full moon. Apparently, positive ions increase during the full moon which causes hyperactivity, depression, violent behavior, road rage, higher occurrences of migraines and asthma. And my behavior specifically is referring to mistakes, difficulty concentrating amongst other things. Furthermore the article states, “Bank employees went from an error rate of 2.5% before negative ion generators were installed, to an error rate of 0.5% while working in negative ion enriched air.” I can’t believe it! There was something there about mistakes! Maybe this erratic pattern can finally be over and things will be restored to normal. I just need to find a negative ion generator to place on my desk at work.
I have known that a Himalayan Salt Lamp produces Negative ions naturally and I have a Himalayan Salt Lamp at home and when I first got it it has affected my sleep better and just made me feel overall better.
Off to go find me a negative ion generator for my desk! I’ll link the papers and articles I found on this below.
1) http://www.policeops.com/full-moon-ion-effect.htm
2) http://www.quantumenergywerks.com/documents/Ionization101.pdf
Crystal Garden – Orange Calcite
I have been slowly building a crystal garden on my desk at work as an experiment – but also as a therapeutic remedy for certain things I struggle with. And building it based on intuitive feelings rather than intellect – meaning choosing to place crystals there based on what ‘feels’ right or what I’m drawn to. I don’t think I did a whole lot with this in the beginning of working there, but it wasn’t until Imbolc where I started putting the loose incense underneath to enhance the crystals and put the dish there to contain the incense. The incense – acting as potpourri – is associated with the current sabbath. So now, I have incense for Imbolc and recently my incense for Ostara came in, which I’m planning on switching in next week. And for those who know, Imbolc is all about purity, growth and re-newal. And ironically that’s what this past month has been all about at work. What went down at work materialistically, is supposed to create a new beginning on the spiritual and emotional levels of the people working there.
That sphere there, is orange calcite…
it helps integrate the spiritual realm with the physical body, enhances creativity and working with emotional issues. It is said to energize and cleanse the lower chakras as well as Sacral chakra to enhance will and remove depression. It can bring higher insights from the upper chakras down into the lower chakras for processing so they can be used in a more instinctual way without needing extended thought. Orange Calcite can bring insights into the causes of apathy or lethargy, allowing one to take back control over one’s life. Orange Calcite’s vital energy can serve as a catalyst for the release of past traumas that have been holding you back, allowing for optimism and joy to come in. Those experiencing depression will benefit from Orange Calcite’s infusion of bright vibrations into the lower chakras. Physically, Orange Calcite helps with urinary tract disorders; liver, spleen and kidney function; incontinence; sexual dysfunction, and chronic fatigue. [source]
I probably shouldn’t be too surprised that I was able to deliver that letter to my boss at the end of January… or be strong willed enough to put up with being reprimanded constantly throughout mercury retrograde… and it doesn’t surprise me at all that my psychic ability has gotten stronger too. Everything that has seemed to have happened in the past month and a half seems to be associated with the orange calcite stone. Despite feeling a bit defeated with being reprimanded … I felt really strong – a feeling completely different from the way I felt while working at the tearoom.
Recently I added a good chunk of Malachite to the dish. When I went to go visit Lauren at Groundings in Florence, MA, a nice piece of Malachite drew me in and I picked it up right away! I later looked at the metaphysical properties and chuckled:
Malachite has been used to aid success in business and protect against undesirable business associations. It is a stone of balance in relationships. [source] Malachite is a protection stone, absorbing negative energies and pollutants from the atmosphere and from the body. It guards against radiation of all kinds, clears electromagnetic pollution and heals earth energies. [Hall, 183] Keep near microwaves in the kitchen and televisions in living areas. In the workplace Malachite protects against noise, over-bright fluorescent lighting, and harmful rays from technological equipment, negative phone calls and emails. [Eason, 283] Malachite is known for being a stone of support for airplane and airline workers as a protection against accidents, miners for protection from unexplained accidents, and for secretaries to stimulate clear thinking. [Mella, 129,132-133] [source]
Previously I’ve added stones such as hematite, sodalite (releasing tension), carnelian, lepidolite and started off with quartz and orange calcite.
Today, I bought a 2″ Septarium stone that generally speaking is good for communication. I want to see if its effects will change anything in the work place. Crystals work best when they are put in plain sight, but are not being paid attention to.
The Septarium stone properties are:
This stone coheres spiritual groups, aids public speaking, and healers use it for diagnosis and insight into the cause of disease. Septarian is an excellent support for self-nurturing, caring about others, and caring for the earth. It incubates ideas and helps bring them to fruition. It harmonizes emotions and intellect with the higher mind. [source ] Septarian brings calming energies which have a nurturing feel to them, and can bring feelings of joy and spiritual uplifting. Septarian is used to enhance and nurture communication with groups, making it much easier to speak clearly and kindly in group settings. Septarian is a “concretion” stone. Concretions are protective stones, providing both grounding and shielding of the physical, mental, and emotional bodies. It is a stone for regulation of spiritual, mental, and physical prowess. It promotes both calming and understanding on the emotional level. It is also quite useful in determining the direction in which to progress. Septarian loves to be held, emanating a loving, kind, and sincere energy pattern. It is said to be a speaking stone and enhances communication on multiple levels. [source]
Considering the stone is associated with the element of fire, I want to predict that it will have the strongest effects on the fire and air signs – which are most of the signs I work with. Perhaps instead of headbutting each other all the time, we may actually appear to be all on the same page.
I also purchased a small tiger eye sphere to place there as well;
Tiger’s Eye is a balancing and grounding stone that helps soothe emotional turmoil. It promotes courage and strength, confidence and protection. Tiger’s Eye is also a psychic protector that guards against negativity. Tiger’s Eye softens stubbornness. It helps you to see things in the best light and enhances your connection with your own personal power and will, thereby encouraging self-clarity. Tiger’s Eye helps you to find the most positive way to reveal your true inner light. It helps show you when to take action in a situation and when to wait. It is therefore, a great stone to help achieve goals. Tiger’s Eye is a good luck stone that attracts wealth and money. It aids in manifesting ideas into reality and in bringing Heaven to Earth. [source]
I’m excited to see what new effects these crystals will bring to the workplace and to discover more about their energies.
An open reflection on mistakes
You have learned well, my friend. To value personal relationships over money is something that we should all learn. I am very pleased with how you handled things this past week. Yes, loosing money is bad… but money is tangible… it can be regained. And I know I have a lot of work to do… but meaningful relationships cannot be regained – sometimes.
I lost a meaningful relationship once. And working with you is healing that… I have been carrying regret and a lot of baggage because I feel like I fucked up that meaningful relationship and because of it I lost it. It was a mistake to express myself to them – because by doing so it caused me a lot of heartbreak. This is a strange time for me… I know mistakes aren’t always forgiven, but when it does happen… I find it healing.
I hope you realize this? The mistakes I’m making aren’t necessarily because I’m not looking/seeing things… but I feel like they come from my subconscious because I am consciously thinking about how I fucked up my relationship. It’s a karma thing see.
Karma is not how most people see it. It comes in cycles, and is depicted in a big wheel in the sky and when you are in one, you have 12 months of positive events and 12 months of negative events alternating in a six month interval. I see it turn in the cards, and know when certain events happen based on solely that knowledge. I am in a karmic cycle and it started when my relationship ended.
Everyone who you meet in a Karmic cycle is going through one as well and is either going through the same lesson you are or ones you’ve already been through so you can teach them. We all meet each other when we’re supposed to, to galvanize lessons and to teach each other certain things.
I wish I can tell you what I am seeing… because based on recent events I can almost guarantee that things are going to get better. That wheel turns in March, around the Spring solstice, and these past six months have been rather trying. The good news about the wheel turning is that things will become more positive for the next six months in all areas of life. And because we seemed to have both learned our lessons, it will be really good for all of us.
Work-place tarot reading
Sometimes my co-designer Krista and I hang out at the shop after work and I do readings. The last time it happened was this time last month during the week of the full moon. I bought a tarot deck of celtic orgin as this area reminded me of the Druids and Celts because of the woods. Last month I read about a new salesperson my boss was looking to hire. I saw some pretty sleazy stuff happening with the new salesperson and that this person was a karmic test for my boss. If he hired the new salesperson a storm would take place and things will eventually be forgiven.
However, my boss didn’t end up hiring the new salesperson (which meant that I was still the new kid) and the events are still taking place and I’m taking the hit since I’m the weakest link (though I’m not doing anything sleazy – same events, same affects, different causes). Because it’s Karmic the events still happen no matter what. Things at work have been obviously rough these past couple days and I’m starting to rethink things. Venus retrograde just became direct, so I feel like my relationship to my boss will be better at the end of the month (in two weeks).
Ironically, that’s the amount of time my boss told me that I had to clean up my act or it will be the end of me working there… However, Mercury is retrograde and I began working at MMPNE during a mercury retrograde – just a month after my Karmic wheel turned which was last September. My Karmic wheel turns again next month and Mercury becomes direct at the end of this month but calms down for the first two weeks in March. I am home today due to the snow storm we’re having and took the time to start applying to other positions. I found an ad on craigslist for a position out in Ellington, CT where it will be the reverse of what I’m doing now. More focus on design creation and less on the pre-production and post-production. And Ellington, CT isn’t that far away from me from Longmeadow, MA.
In minutes I got a response and the interviewer was ironically doing phone interviews today – the interview went really well. I just need to play my cards right and pay attention to the subtle energies at play here. I am given two weeks at MMPNE and within those two weeks at home I have to juggle landing a position and then announce my leave at MMPNE at the right time. SO MUCH DELICACY. DAMN YOU UNIVERSE!
I am so heartbroken that things aren’t going well at MMPNE. I love the people I work with, I love what I do as my job, but it is too much juggling for me to handle on top of healing, on top of loosing my bosss’ patience… on top of moving my studio to Western Ma… I am seeking stability damnit!
Changing the Course of the Future
I did something really hard this past week and I’m quite satisfied with myself that I was able to pull through.
Things at work have been really crazy and my work dynamic with my boss has been intense and from my perspective it was really dragging me into the ground – mentally, emotionally and physically speaking.
I saw for a moment in time two directions my life at work could go in. One in a really positive, happy direction and the other where I was always miserable and feeling quite helpless – and I freaked out. If I continued on this path, the mistakes I had been making I would keep making and things would just become extremely tense. If I made an intervention and apologized things would go in a happier, carefree, positive direction…
I did not have the strength to do what I had to do when I had to do it. But it needed to be done, otherwise things would’ve gone horribly wrong.
I told my boss what I’ve been dealing with roughly for the past 9-18 months. I wrote him a letter and apologized for the shit that went down at work.
Strangely, I have found a sense of healing from doing so. I’m not sure if its’ because I could finally tell someone what I’ve been going through that I trusted or if it was just supposed help me gain some closure or what. But I feel like a load has been lifted from me.
The tension at work has calmed down and things are back to normal. It is very rare for me to see directions of where my life could go so clearly like that. Moments like this are when I’m very glad I am psychic and could see and pick up things like that.