Category Archives: Blog

Blog

Frustration/Rant

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Okay. I’m gonna go and rant about how frustrated I am about not finding a job. I AM SO FREAKING FRUSTRATED.

First, I don’t know what to do to make me stand out even more. I don’t even get called to an interview and yet, I match all the descriptions in the job listing.

That’s what’s frustrating. Each day goes by and I keep wondering if I’ll ever move out of my parents’ house and be on my own.

I want a job not only to fulfill a childhood dream, but I want a job so I could move out and move back near my friends. Being isolated 6 hours away doesn’t do me any good.

And no I’m not impatient, this will be my second year straight of applying to jobs and I haven’t really gotten any calls. I was so damn close with the SBT job but that slipped through my fingers and they hired someone else last minute.

I apologize for a whiney post, but I really can’t take it anymore. I apply to about 3-5 jobs daily/weekly and I don’t even get a call. I want to do something with my life but if I just sit around and do nothing that doesn’t really motivate me much. I even compare myself to my classmates that are hired… how in the world did they land the job and I didn’t? What don’t I have that they do? Experience probably… but even then the most common rejection note I get is that my background is impressive but I don’t match the company image!! What the hell! Don’t they know designers are supposed to be known to be adaptable to change and other styles?? Isn’t my work varied enough that I do have my own style as well as a clean style??
My goal was the end of the summer and I almost made that goal, but now my other goal is to find a job by Thanksgiving. I want nothing more right now than to move out and finally be on my own.

Blog, Spirituality

Mine

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I went to clean out my grandma’s house and it was probably one of the hardest things I have done/will do. Not only because her stuff is being divided up and it won’t be in its’ proper place anymore, but certain members of my family can’t seem to get out of their bubbles. When someone dies, you want to respect their life, not look at their possessions and ask yourselves if you personally need the item or not but rather if the item meant to someone else or meant to the person who died. If we weren’t there, there would’ve been a lot of distress over some of the items that were thrown out/given away.

You don’t go into a dead persons’ house and ask yourself, “OK what do I need?” You go in there and ask, “Is this significant? Does this have any value (sentimental or monetary)? Should this stay in the family?” and not descend upon the possessions as if there was no discussion on it and take them. They were never yours so why should you feel the right to decide whether its’ yours or not?

There were these blue and white dishes that my grandma used and my cousin wanted them because she entertained. I get that, but I had my “eye” on them too, because my family came over to her house more often than they did and drank coffee out of them. Thankfully she was willing to negotiate and gave me half the teacup set. That’s another thing, the other half of my family lived further away and weren’t always at my grandma’s place. If it boiled down to anything, my family should have the final say in her things because we were there most frequent.

That’s another thing, they had little to no regard of any of the possessions that my grandma sentimentally valued herself. They just couldn’t seem to grasp the concept of sentimental value. Just because the object was, let’s say – bought at the Christmas Tree Shop – that doesn’t mean that that particular object had sentimental or personal value to the person who owned it.

And another thing that pisses me off is that they had little to no regard about my family’s history. My grandma was Swedish and came to the US via Ellis Island. She married my grandfather and had three sons (my father and two uncles). Swedish items such as red wooden painted items and straw Christmas ornaments were a significant part of the family and Christmas was a big holiday in my family so a lot of the Christmas stuff had a lot of sentimental value to them, which they did recognize but they could careless about the Swedish items. Thankfully they weren’t thrown out by the time I got to them and was able to save quite a few of them. It ended up being a “do or die” scenario and it really hurt us to see the way they acted towards my grandmothers’ possessions. I only “wanted” a couple of her possessions and mostly thought about the sentimental value that they had to them. Not whether or not that I needed the item personally. They kept asking me about certain items, and while I would’ve liked them, I don’t have the space for them, but no that didn’t matter at all.

Shallow and selfish people are exhausting. I love my other family, but sometimes I wish they shared a similar perspective that we did.

Today, I drew the Hierophant of my Holy Light deck. This card speaks of tradition and being conservative. But it also speaks of the duality between life and death, materialism and spirituality. I definitely think we saw a lot of dualism here. People working together but being in two different worlds. Thinking materialistically and thinking spiritually. I’m just glad the worst seems to be over… but it was a real headache to work with them.

The irony of it all is that my grandmother was the most selfLESS person in my family. She was known for doing the right thing and the right thing would be to give the possession to someone who had a lot of meaning attached to it or to keep it in our family. She wouldn’t have kept it for herself, but rather would have thought about the people around her and their opinions.

 

(PS: if any family member finds this, I hope this doesn’t offend, its my blog anyway)

Blog

Bad Luck; go away!

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On top of relationship drama I’ve been dealing with, my grandmother passed away unexpectedly Wednesday. I did a tarot reading using the Holy Light deck the day of her scare and it predicted death. This is one reason why I sometimes don’t like doing divination because I read things that sometimes I wish I didn’t need read and now I’m wondering if I could’ve made her live a little longer – somehow; that’s what’s haunting me right now. I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way, but.. I didn’t acknowledge it at the time because usually we’re taught that the death card doesn’t usually represent death (unless it is in the right situation, the right time, etc)… I looked at the reading and thought, A death is something I can’t deal with right now and I hope to God that reading is wrong. Well it was right. So I am going to play my harp at the funeral tomorrow I will be playing Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring by Bach actually it’ll be a arrangement I did for the harp nothing too fancy just the lower octave strain coupled with arpeggios and the refrain…

 

But all that’s going through my head, is… when will all this bad luck end? Constantly being rejected from potential employers, and the confusion, hurt, stress and anxiety I’ve been dealing with not knowing where I stand in a relationship and now a death… seriously life can’t you be a bit more kind to me?

 

 

Inquiry, Reflections, Research, Reviews

Time-Space Physics

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I am almost finished with The Source Field Investigations by David Wilcock. I must say, I really enjoyed the read. I also was surprised how I agreed with most of what he said about the source field being Einstein’s “Holy Grail” i. E the Unified Field Theory. THOUGH, the only thing I don’t agree with is his take on gravity. He says gravity is a force within the Source Field. I don’t think this is the case. I think gravity is the reason why things are the way we view them, in space-time, if we flip gravity, we will be in time-space.

He has also opened my eyes into investigating the Time-Space parallel reality of Space-time. See the problem here folks is that mainstream scientists focus on the space-time science of things, however, it seems individuals are breaking into the time-space side of things and this obviously is upsetting the status quo. Thus contradictions, and suppression of amazing technology. We must be open to the idea of a parallel reality that is opposite entirely in nature to the space-time we’re so familiar with.. Time-space to me is where all the weird paranormal activities originate from. These anomalies pop over into space-time and we see them, but they are of time-space origin.

Wilcock helped me realize that the Golden mean may be in fact what we need to make matter be time-space material. The vibration or geometry to make matter atoms pop into time-space. Earlier I posted about in putting the Golden Mean in E = Mc2 it just occurred to me that may perhaps be a clue to turning everything into time-space material. Speeding things up so they enter Time-space. I’m thinking mysticism may in fact be the time-space science and that is why it doesn’t react the same in the space-time reality because once upon a time it was time-space and so the science worked, but the galaxy flipped over into space-time and so that knowledge is outdated. This also backs up my assertion that the Golden Mean spirals are expressions of light. They are coming directly from time-space and popping over into space-time. And their signature is a spiral.

 

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Doe Deere – the “Oh so unique and different” makeup enthusiast

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I am someone whose been naturally labeled as “unique and different”. Someone who goes with the beat of her own drum. I could care less about conforming to any set of customs or rules, but I respect them. It always baffles me when there are “internet personalities” who try to be unique and different by expressing themselves through music, art, fashion, makeup, or any kind of material discipline. They express themselves through blogging and sharing things that are close and dear to them. I don’t understand why anyone would want to put themselves out there so much to be subjected to “social rejection”. I experienced a lot of “social rejection” growing up and it is an awful thing to experience. WHY would you WANT to be unique and different when you can be who you are? Are you so afraid of who you are that you try to be someone else? (i’ve experienced this too)

The high school I went to there was such a stigma to be cool, act like you had money, and be preppy. I often saw conformity in action. I actually to pride in being unique and different and while it was hard at time to be so I couldn’t see myself conforming and turning preppy. When you become the people who you hang out with. Frankly, it was quite disgusting. I even had a friend copy ME and denied everything when I confront him about it. I asked him why he was copying my attitude and personality. He never really answered me. To say the least we’re not friends anymore; we ended the friendship because he ignorantly called my beliefs at the time weird and it pissed me off.

Anyway, I met Doe Deere in person and took her on a tour around Bethlehem as it was a town she’d like. She was a normal person, quiet and quite realistic. Yes she was wearing a 70s outfit but so, a lot of people wear clothing that was inspired from 70s, etc. To be honest, Deere, there’s really nothing intriguing about you in person and I wish you were comfortable with who you were instead of impressing everyone by your “uniqueness and difference”. Sometimes its not GOOD to be unique and different and it can be difficult.

It saddens me when people take a characteristic trait for granted and use it to their advantage. It goes along with, “OH I LOOK UNIQUE AND DIFFERENT IDOLIZE ME!!!111”. Um, no being naturally unique and different doesn’t automatically get people to idolize them. it scares and frightens them and you could be subjected to bullying for being naturally unique and different. Stop making it a fashion statement and find your voice elsewhere.

 

 

Esoteric, Esoteric Design, Ideas, Inquiry, Light, Research, Science, Sound

Changing Matter through Vibration

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I was reading The Source Field Investigations by David Wilcock this week and I came across a few things that peaked my interest. I was reading about changing the physical appearance of matter through Magnetic Atoms. One experiment looked very promising as it was done by an ‘ordinary’ guy like you and me. I’m trying to see what art project I can steam from this. Process seems simple enough but I have to really look into it. From the research article it says that Pier Luigi Ighina simply created an electromagnetic field in the magnetic atoms in the piece of matter would take on the vibratory rate of the electromagnetic field and he could easily change it.

The various colours and shapes of matter are due to alterations in the vibration of the atoms that compose it. For example, if a flower has a basic atomic pulsation of 1000, and its external atoms get in touch with other atoms like those of light, heat, gas, etc. the latter change the former’s vibration to 1000.01, 1000.02 which correspond to the colours and shape of the matter. Upon this discovery he made a scale of alterations which showed him that when he would reach a pulsation of 1001, the matter would transform. He classified different categories of atoms: reproductive atoms, motionless atoms, non reproductive atoms, semi reproductive atoms, permanent reproductive atoms, and so on. source

I think his science is “Key” to understanding some of the many ancient philosophical teachings that have been given to us. For example sacred geometry is simply geometry that has taken on vibration. Vibration here is also key in the creation of sacred geometry. Reality is just a prism of shape and color, and if we are able to change the physical appearance of matter just by adjusting its vibratory rate, then this really backs up that reality is an illusion.

Blog

No Back-to-School Festivities

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For the first time in my waking life I won’t be going back to school. This is odd and a tad frightening. For my entire life it seemed like I’d be always be going to school. Always be doing homework. Always be dealing with stupid drama with friends. Always loosing friends due to stupid drama. Always changing friendship circles. While moving back to Massachusetts has been just as bad as I feared I’m a tad afraid of how I’ll manage to get through the fall, let alone the winter.

I tried so hard to find a job right after college so I can avoid being at home with nothing to do. But alas, that plan has failed.

My mood and confidence is totally affected by my environment. While instead of staying in Wellesley all summer, part of it has been spent on Cape Cod. Which is totally fine with me. I love cape cod. But I’ve been a bit isolated. Many of the people who I hung out occasionally with graduated college and moved out of my hometown. And I’m afraid by being six hours away the connections I had made won’t be as strong.

If I end up getting the job in Flourtown all my fears will be put to rest and I’ll be a happy person again. While Wellesley isn’t a bad town, its just a town that doesn’t fit my personality. I’m not preppy, I’m not all too social, or in a family that has boatloads of money. I’m considered just little above average in Wellesley and that’s saying a lot.

Once I get that job I can move onward with my life and do what I want to do with it.

My biggest fear is not finding employment and not getting what I want out of life.

Blog, Design, Excursions, ◆◆◆

Over the river and through the woods..

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It really did feel like I went over the river and through the woods to Pennsylvania and back. I stayed with my friend Richelle, who was a year above me in school. I went to PA for 48 hours for an in-person interview at Signs by Tomorrow. The place I was interviewed for awhile ago. I think I needed a trip like that. To be by myself and not have to deal with people is nice. I forgot what that was like and why I liked being away from home for college so much. It gave me a sense of independence that’s difficult for me to find at home.

I really liked Flourtown. Its’ got that historic feel to it, but its a suburban town very much like the town I grew up in. So I really hope things work out with SBT. I really need to leave this place, its got nothing but terrible memories attached to it.

I think the interview/work day at SBT went well. It was cool to be doing work that I went to school for. The only thing I wish that went differently was that I actually got sleep. I ended up sleeping on an air mattress at Richelle’s and that didn’t go so well. I haven’t slept on an air mattress I think since I was a kid. So I ended up getting three hours of sleep. But I suppose you do what you have to do.

The drive there and back was actually not that bad. I think I paid about $40 in tolls though. On the way there I avoided that path but on the way back that’s where the GPS took me. Kind of disgusting.

So I should hear by the weekend or the beginning of next week. Mom and I were talking about earlier that all the signs were there. Ha.

I also had a dream. I don’t remember my dreams and they often tend to be prophetic in nature. I dreamt I was at a sign shop and there was pre-cut metal boards and paper boards hanging up on the walls. The team was there handing out t-shirts to customers and I came in and took one and stood by the team. Usually when I have a dream about something major its a good sign. haha.

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Urgh!

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So my laptop decided to crash on me yesterday while working on the H.E branding. I freak out whenever something happens to my laptop since I have my adobe suite on there and my brother pirated them for me so I don’t have the original copies 😛 anyway. The graphics processor decided to stop working because the operating system I was on couldn’t update itself even more so I have to switch to snow leopard. Best part is that they’ll fix it for free!! Worst case scenario they’ll have to wipe everything clean but he said that usually happens if something else is really wrong with it. It should take a day for them to fix it too. I’m glad. But its just frustrating cause that means I’ll probably have to recreate some of the work I’ve done on the logo and branding since I think I didn’t save them before it crashed. WHEN WILL I LEARN!????

 

 

Blog, Ideas

Hair Style

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Depending when I am invited to the interview in PA. I will need to get a haircut soon. I’m debating whether or not to get it cut here in MA or in PA at the last place I went to. Gonna go for an edgier look. Fluffy wavy hair isn’t cutting it for me anymore. Neither is long hair in my eyes.I’ve been inspired by “scene” hair. I think its’ similar to what I’ve been getting, but a bit edgier. Not gonna go all out with colors since I have to look professional. I’ve been struggling with my hair all my life. I am not very high maintenance and run far away about the thought of doing something that takes a lot of styling. 😛

The picture to the left is Kiki Kannibal apparently she’s a model in the scene styles. But she and I have a very similar face shape. I’ve also had bad luck with hairstylists and am always nervous whenever they cut my hair as the styles never really turn out the way I asked :-/ but that’s currently what’s inspiring me right now!

 

Awesome blog on scene hair I’ve been looking at: http://scenehair.tumblr.com