You have learned well, my friend. To value personal relationships over money is something that we should all learn. I am very pleased with how you handled things this past week. Yes, loosing money is bad… but money is tangible… it can be regained. And I know I have a lot of work to do… but meaningful relationships cannot be regained – sometimes.

I lost a meaningful relationship once. And working with you is healing that… I have been carrying regret and a lot of baggage because I feel like I fucked up that meaningful relationship and because of it I lost it. It was a mistake to express myself to them – because by doing so it caused me a lot of heartbreak. This is a strange time for me… I know mistakes aren’t always forgiven, but when it does happen… I find it healing. 

I hope you realize this? The mistakes I’m making aren’t necessarily because I’m not looking/seeing things… but I feel like they come from my subconscious because I am consciously thinking about how I fucked up my relationship. It’s a karma thing see.

Karma is not how most people see it. It comes in cycles, and is depicted in a big wheel in the sky and when you are in one, you have 12 months of positive events and 12 months of negative events alternating in a six month interval. I see it turn in the cards, and know when certain events happen based on solely that knowledge. I am in a karmic cycle and it started when my relationship ended.

Everyone who you meet in a Karmic cycle is going through one as well and is either going through the same lesson you are or ones you’ve already been through so you can teach them. We all meet each other when we’re supposed to, to galvanize lessons and to teach each other certain things.

I wish I can tell you what I am seeing… because based on recent events I can almost guarantee that things are going to get better. That wheel turns in March, around the Spring solstice, and these past six months have been rather trying. The good news about the wheel turning is that things will become more positive for the next six months in all areas of life. And because we seemed to have both learned our lessons, it will be really good for all of us.

Sometimes my co-designer Krista and I hang out at the shop after work and I do readings. The last time it happened was this time last month during the week of the full moon. I bought a tarot deck of celtic orgin as this area reminded me of the Druids and Celts because of the woods. Last month I read about a new salesperson my boss was looking to hire. I saw some pretty sleazy stuff happening with the new salesperson and that this person was a karmic test for my boss. If he hired the new salesperson a storm would take place and things will eventually be forgiven.

However, my boss didn’t end up hiring the new salesperson (which meant that I was still the new kid) and the events are still taking place and I’m taking the hit since I’m the weakest link (though I’m not doing anything sleazy – same events, same affects, different causes). Because it’s Karmic the events still happen no matter what. Things at work have been obviously rough these past couple days and I’m starting to rethink things. Venus retrograde just became direct, so I feel like my relationship to my boss will be better at the end of the month (in two weeks).

Ironically, that’s the amount of time my boss told me that I had to clean up my act or it will be the end of me working there… However, Mercury is retrograde and I began working at MMPNE during a mercury retrograde – just a month after my Karmic wheel turned which was last September. My Karmic wheel turns again next month and Mercury becomes direct at the end of this month but calms down for the first two weeks in March. I am home today due to the snow storm we’re having and took the time to start applying to other positions. I found an ad on craigslist for a position out in Ellington, CT where it will be the reverse of what I’m doing now. More focus on design creation and less on the pre-production and post-production. And Ellington, CT isn’t that far away from me from Longmeadow, MA.

In minutes I got a response and the interviewer was ironically doing phone interviews today – the interview went really well. I just need to play my cards right and pay attention to the subtle energies at play here. I am given two weeks at MMPNE and within those two weeks at home I have to juggle landing a position and then announce my leave at MMPNE at the right time. SO MUCH DELICACY. DAMN YOU UNIVERSE!

I am so heartbroken that things aren’t going well at MMPNE. I love the people I work with, I love what I do as my job, but it is too much juggling for me to handle on top of healing, on top of loosing my bosss’ patience… on top of moving my studio to Western Ma… I am seeking stability damnit!

I did something really hard this past week and I’m quite satisfied with myself that I was able to pull through.

Things at work have been really crazy and my work dynamic with my boss has been intense and from my perspective it was really dragging me into the ground – mentally, emotionally and physically speaking.

I saw for a moment in time two directions my life at work could go in. One in a really positive, happy direction and the other where I was always miserable and feeling quite helpless – and I freaked out. If I continued on this path, the mistakes I had been making I would keep making and things would just become extremely tense. If I made an intervention and apologized things would go in a happier, carefree, positive direction…

I did not have the strength to do what I had to do when I had to do it. But it needed to be done, otherwise things would’ve gone horribly wrong.

I told my boss what I’ve been dealing with roughly for the past 9-18 months. I wrote him a letter and apologized for the shit that went down at work.

Strangely, I have found a sense of healing from doing so. I’m not sure if its’ because I could finally tell someone what I’ve been going through that I trusted or if it was just supposed help me gain some closure or what. But I feel like a load has been lifted from me.

The tension at work has calmed down and things are back to normal. It is very rare for me to see directions of where my life could go so clearly like that. Moments like this are when I’m very glad I am psychic and could see and pick up things like that.