Lately things a been a bit rough.

Last month I had surgery in my left ear to remove a cyst that blocked my hearing and caused significant hearing loss. After working in a cubical at Minuteman and not being able to hear my co-workers through the glass pushed me over the edge to get it looked at. The best news about this was that the original surgery I had in the ear wasn’t affected and that this could be removed and my left ear would mirror my right ear. Well, I went in for surgery, came out fine and healed properly and everything seemed a success. A week and a half before my last post-op appointment I noticed something funny about the hearing of the left ear and just chopped it up to wax building up since I stopped using the medical drops that allowed it to heal as instructed. But during my post-op appointment, the Dr. checked it out and found out that due to aggressive healing a new membrane continued to grow and caused the same hearing loss problem. After this news I felt really defeated. I then had to have emergency surgery in the left ear because the membrane would just continue to grow and I’ll continue to loose my hearing. In between all this… I had a really bad viral infection the week of my residency which happened after the first surgery, and then five days before my second surgery I started to get high fevers. Between two surgeries in two months and feeling ill a couple of times in between, I’ve been feeling a bit down and defeated.

I’m also still trying to force myself to move on from Minuteman… coming to terms with the experience, and my feelings and realizing that my attempts to establish a professional relationship with them have been thwarted is making it really difficult for me to let go. Also leaving someone who I cared a lot about and held close to my heart there, is not helping this healing process. This experience also had me change the way I view negative experiences. I am teaching myself to learn to accept negative experiences, but don’t let negative experiences control me. Shit will continue to happen to me, but how I react to it will change how it molds into my life and affects me.

I’m just worried about how this experience at Minuteman will affect my career. Right now, I have no desire to go off job hunting again – after three years of sitting through resume calls and sitting and waiting and never hearing back to finally being hired in my desired position only to be fired six months later…; to sit through dozens of interviews only to never get a call back… to be ‘won over’ by someone else because of something that I don’t have… to be told that I don’t have the experience, skills or some other goddamn thing. I am worried my design career is coming to a heed. As a graduating senior, this isn’t how I envisioned my design career to be, no not at all! After my heartbreak, things just seemed to crumble and fall apart for me. I have thought of a temporary solution that will help me get through until my next design gig. I’m hoping that after my internship at JetSetterGypsy that I’ll be able to apply for Social Media marketing positions and just work with social media until another contract position comes through or something better. There just isn’t a job for me…