I am no longer going to be working at Minuteman Press New England.

A decision made by my boss because he couldn’t keep up with my mistakes – mistakes in the sense that when he saw the final product it was wrong. It was also a decision prompted by a series of events that I did not intend to have it perceived the way it did.

I am a little startled that it has ended the way it has and did not expect it to end so ‘soon’. I guess I was lucky that I even lasted this long and I don’t blame my boss because I see his perspective. But if you say you don’t care that I have mental issues that I can’t seem to change and that you can’t seem to learn and understand what I struggle with, then it wasn’t the right fit to begin with.

I should’ve known that when I started to heal and feel strong I knew I wouldn’t be working there much longer. I feel like the sole reason for me being there is to heal me because my working relationship with my boss certainly has helped me do so in a strange sort of way. I no longer feel confusion, no longer wish for second chances, no longer wonder about that relationship because I have fully moved on and healed. He has taught me what second chances felt like, because I haven’t had many in my life. I fully understand what it means and what it feels when being given a second chance and that I think is the biggest lesson I can take away from this chapter in my life.

The only thing I am suffering from all of this is the loss of closeness that I once felt. The closeness was something that kept me going because he was the only person I felt close to in my life at the time and the first person I felt closeness with since my heartbreak. But even then, as months wore on it started to pull at me because of the way I was being treated and the up-and-down of the working relationship. It caused me a different kind of confusion and I seriously did not like the way felt – it left me confused and defeated. One day we’d be working together fine, and then the next day he’d be screaming at me for doing something I did wrong. And yesterday all day I felt dread, a separation – like I never was really a part of the team. Seen as if I was a fly on the wall… and that hurt the most. Also to put all the time and energy and heart into something and to have it probably never noticed also hurts.

So now I’m at cross roads. I’ve been searching for another job so I can stay in this area, but I’ll have to think about the next chapter in my life and moving on from this. I will miss the Minuteman Press crew as they are a lovely bunch of people. But I won’t miss the emotional turmoil it has caused me over the past 6 months. I loved the work and the people I worked with, but the up-and-down is something I cannot handle. At this point in my life I am looking for some type of stability.